Engagement / Rokana

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Traditional Wedding Rituals & Ceremonial Gifts

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Engagement / Rokana (Boy or Girl)

When a marriage proposal is finalized, the families choose an auspicious day and organize a ceremony to formally confirm the relationship. This ceremony is called Sagai (Engagement) or Rokana.

Traditionally, the engagement ceremony for the boy was held at the girl's home, and the engagement ceremony for the girl was held at the boy's home. Nowadays, both families usually gather at one place and perform the engagement ceremony together.

Engagement of the Girl

(Preparations at the Boy's House)

The following items are traditionally arranged:

  1. Aarti plate containing:
    1. Roli (vermilion)
    2. Moli (sacred thread)
    3. Rice
    4. Jaggery
    5. Sacred grass (Doob)
    6. A small vessel of water
  2. Flower garland
  3. Items for Khol Bharai (lap-filling ceremony), such as:
    1. Coconut
    2. Almonds
    3. Cashews
    4. Raisins
    5. Dry dates
    6. Rock sugar (Mishri)
    7. Gold coin (Ginni) or cash

(Whenever a gold coin is given to someone, a silver coin should also be given along with it.)

  1. Two sarees.
  2. Makeup and beauty items.
  3. Jewelry.
  4. Gift items.
  5. A gift envelope for the future daughter-in-law.
  6. Sweets.
  7. Gift envelopes for the girl's brothers, sisters, and friends who are present.
  8. A large red or yellow decorated handkerchief/cloth for the Khol Bharai ceremony.
  9. If the Engagement Ceremony and Ring Ceremony are being held together, arrangements should be made accordingly.

Engagement of the Girl

(Preparations at the Girl's House)

  1. A decorated seat (Chowki) and cushion.
  2. A large decorated red or yellow cloth for the ceremony.
  3. Gift envelopes for the groom's family members.
  4. Gift envelopes for accompanying staff such as accountants, assistants, servants, or drivers.
  5. Proper arrangements for welcoming guests and serving meals or refreshments.

Engagement Ceremony for the Girl

(Performed by the Groom's Family at the Girl's House)

  1. The groom's family generally visits the bride's house to perform the engagement ceremony.
  2. The future bride is given a ceremonial tilak.
  3. She is presented with jewelry.
  4. A flower garland is placed around her neck.
  5. Her lap is ceremonially filled with:
    1. Gold coin or money
    2. Coconut
    3. Dry fruits such as almonds, cashews, raisins, dry dates, and rock sugar

    (Whenever a gold coin is presented, a silver coin is also given along with it.)

  6. Sarees and other gifts are also presented as part of the ceremony.

Engagement Ceremony of the Groom

(Preparations at the Bride's Home)

The following items are traditionally arranged:

  1. Aarti plate containing roli (vermilion), moli (sacred thread), rice, jaggery, sacred grass (doob), and water.
  2. Flower garland.
  3. A silver bowl for the Khol Bharai ceremony.
  4. Coconut, almonds, cashews, raisins, dry dates, rock sugar (mishri), and a gold coin or cash.
  5. (Whenever a gold coin is given, a silver coin should also be given along with it.)
  6. Clothes for the future son-in-law.
  7. Jewelry and a watch (if desired).
  8. Gifts and gift envelopes.
  9. Milni envelopes (for ceremonial greetings).
  10. Envelopes for accompanying helpers.
  11. Fruits, dry fruits, and sweets.

Engagement Ceremony of the Groom

(Preparations at the Groom's Home)

  1. A decorated seat (chowki) and cushion.
  2. A large red or yellow ceremonial cloth.
  3. Arrangements for welcoming guests.
  4. Proper arrangements for meals and refreshments.

Engagement Ceremony of the Groom

(Ceremony at the Groom's Home)

  1. A senior member of the bride's family applies tilak to the future son-in-law.
  2. He is welcomed with a flower garland.
  3. His lap is ceremonially filled with gifts.
  4. Clothes and gifts are presented.
  5. Jewelry and a watch may be gifted.
  6. Dry fruits, sweets, and fruits are offered.

Milni (formal greeting and exchange of respect) may be performed among the women and men of both families.

The tray brought by the bride's family should not be returned empty. After the gifts are removed, the groom's family places sweets and a gift envelope in the tray before returning it.

The groom's family hosts the bride's family and serves refreshments and meals. Helpers, staff members, and drivers who accompany the guests are also served food and given gift envelopes.

At the time of departure, younger brothers and sisters who accompany the family are also given gift envelopes.

Ring Ceremony

Nowadays, Ring Ceremony has become common.

In addition to the engagement ceremony:

  1. The groom places a ring on the bride's finger.
  2. The bride places a ring on the groom's finger.

Gifts for the Son-in-Law After Engagement

Diwali

Traditionally, the following may be sent:

  1. Kurta-Pajama or Pant-Shirt
  2. Gold chain and buttons (optional)
  3. Two sarees for the mother-in-law
  4. Silver items (if desired)
  5. Dry fruits
  6. Sweets
  7. Fruits
  8. Firecrackers

The quantity should be according to the size of the son-in-law's family.

Makar Sankranti

(Observed on 14 January)

The following are traditionally sent:

  1. Clothes for the son-in-law
  2. Gift envelope
  3. One saree for the mother-in-law
  4. Sweets
  5. Ghevar (if available)
  6. Feeni (if available)
  7. Fruits

The quantity should be according to family customs.

Holi

The following may be sent:

  1. Clothes for the son-in-law
  2. Gift envelope
  3. Silver pichkari (water sprinkler)
  4. Saffron in a silver container
  5. Holi colors
  6. Dry fruits
  7. Sweets
  8. Fruits

During summer months, mangoes and sharbat may also be sent.

Chandni Chauth Sinjara

This Sinjara is celebrated on Ganesh Chaturthi during the bright fortnight of the month of Bhadrapad.

If the son-in-law lives in the same town:

  1. He is invited home.
  2. Traditional gifts are presented.
  3. Clothes are given.
  4. Two silver coins are gifted.
  5. Sweets and fruits are offered.
  6. Meals and refreshments are served.

Drivers or attendants accompanying him are also served refreshments and given gift envelopes.

If he lives in another city, the gifts are sent to him.

Birthday Gift Tradition

Nowadays, gifts are also sent on the son-in-law's birthday.

These may include:

  1. Clothes
  2. Gift envelope
  3. Gifts
  4. Sweets
  5. Fruits

Gifts for the Future Daughter-in-Law After Engagement

Diwali

Traditionally, the following may be given:

  1. Bright-colored clothing (red, yellow, saffron, etc.)
  2. One saree and one ghagra, or
    1. Two sarees, or
    2. Two dresses
  3. Jewelry (optional)
  4. Beauty and makeup items
  5. Gift envelope
  6. Gifts for younger brothers and sisters
  7. Sweets

Holi

Traditionally:

  1. One saree or one dress
  2. Jewelry (optional)
  3. Beauty items
  4. Gift envelope
  5. Holi colors
  6. Sweets

Gangaur Sinjara

Traditionally:

  1. Two sarees or two dresses
  2. Jewelry (optional)
  3. Beauty items
  4. Gift envelope
  5. Sweets

If the future daughter-in-law lives in the same city:

  1. She is invited home for mehendi.
  2. Meals or refreshments are served.
  3. Gifts are presented.

Brothers, sisters, and friends who accompany her are also served meals and given gifts and envelopes.

Drivers and attendants are also served and given gift envelopes.

If she lives in another city, mehendi and gifts are sent.

Teej Sinjara

Traditionally:

  1. Two sarees or two dresses
  2. Jewelry (optional)
  3. Beauty items
  4. Gift envelope
  5. Sweets

If she lives in the same city, she is invited for mehendi and hospitality. Gifts are then presented.

Guests accompanying her are also welcomed and given gifts.

If she lives in another city, gifts and mehendi are sent.

Birthday Gift Tradition

Nowadays, gifts may also be sent on the future daughter-in-law's birthday.

These may include:

  1. Clothes
  2. Jewelry
  3. Gifts
  4. Sweets

Mudda-Tika

(Preparations at the Bride's Home)

The following items are traditionally arranged:

  1. Two sets of clothes for the groom
  2. Electronic items (optional)
  3. Camera
  4. Watch
  5. Belt
  6. Perfume
  7. Jewelry (optional)
  8. Flower garland
  9. Aarti plate
  10. Silver bowl containing dry fruits
  11. Gold coin or cash
  12. Coconut, almonds, cashews, raisins, dry dates, and rock sugar
  13. (Whenever a gold coin is given, a silver coin should accompany it.)
  14. Two sarees for the mother-in-law
  15. Silver items
  16. Clothes or gift envelopes for younger brothers and sisters
  17. Milni gifts (optional)
  18. Mudda laddoos according to family requirements
  19. Dry fruits
  20. Sweets
  21. Almond sweets
  22. Fruit baskets
  23. Money pouch
  24. Gift envelope for the priest
  25. Envelopes for attendants

The bride's brother traditionally carries out the Mudda ceremony and may be accompanied by the son-in-law, accountant, or family attendants, who are also given gift envelopes.

Mudda-Tika Ceremony

The bride's family takes all the gifts to the groom's house.

  1. First, Lord Ganesha is worshipped.
  2. Then the bride's brother applies tilak to the groom.
  3. (In some families, the eldest family member performs the tilak.)
  4. A flower garland is placed around the groom's neck.
  5. Khol Bharai is performed.
  6. Clothes, jewelry, and gifts are presented.

The sisters and paternal aunts of the groom perform the aarti.

The bride's brother performs Unwari and presents a gift envelope to the barber or household attendant of the groom's family.

Chikni Kothli

(Preparations at the Groom's Home)

Traditionally, the following items are arranged:

  1. Four sarees or dresses
  2. Jewelry
  3. Beauty items
  4. Decorative items
  5. Purse containing money
  6. Decorated basket or bag for Khol Bharai
  7. Coconut
  8. Almonds
  9. Cashews
  10. Raisins
  11. Rock sugar
  12. Dry dates
  13. Gold coin or cash
  14. (If a gold coin is given, a silver coin should accompany it.)
  15. Flower garland
  16. Aarti plate
  17. Sweets
  18. Dry fruits
  19. Fruits
  20. Large red or yellow ceremonial cloth
  21. Small colorful towel or paper napkins
  22. Money pouch
  23. Aarti envelope
  24. Unwari envelope
  25. Clothes or gift envelopes for younger brothers and sisters
  26. Envelopes for attendants

Chikni Kothli Ceremony

The groom's sister, paternal aunt, and sister-in-law, along with four or five family members, visit the bride's home.

  1. The bride is seated on a decorated seat facing east or west.
  2. Lord Ganesha is worshipped first.
  3. A senior woman from the groom's family applies tilak to the bride.
  4. She places a flower garland around her neck.
  5. Jewelry is presented.
  6. Khol Bharai is performed.

The bride's aunts and sisters perform the aarti.

(The aarti gift is provided by the bride's family.)

The women who bring the gifts receive gift envelopes from the bride's family.

Refreshments are served to all women, attendants, and accompanying guests.