Wedding, Reception & Farewell Ritual

Wedding Ceremony, Reception & Farewell Ritual

(Dukav, Wedding Vows (Pheras), Reception, Bada Bhat, Paharavani & Bidaai)

📖 Table of Contents

The sections are:

1. Baraat Arrival (Preparation) – Bride's Side
2. Dhukav (Arrival of the Baraat) and Toran Ceremony
3. Groom's Rituals (Beend ke Negchar)
4. Outer Pheras (Mama Pheras) and Paying Respect to Maya
5. Panigrahan (Marriage Ritual) – Preparation
6. Wedding Pheras and Distribution of Mehendi
7. Suhag Bidi Ceremony
8. Joota Chhupai (Hiding the Groom's Shoes)
9. Paying Respect to Maya and Departure after the Pheras
10. Reception and Dinner
11. Bada Bhat (Grand Family Feast)
12. Pehrawani, Pher-Pata and Bidaai – Preparation
13. Donations by the Groom's Family to the Bride's Family's Temples and Institutions
14. Thali Worship (Thali Pujan) – Preparation
15. Bride's Farewell (Beti ki Bidaai) – Preparation
16. Bride's Trunk (Beti ki Peti) – Preparation
17. Hair-Braiding Ceremony (Sir-Goonthi) and Groom Filling the Bride's Hair Parting (Maang Bharna)
18. Neg for Tani, Bhatti and Beh Utensils
19. Pehrawani and Pher-Pata Ceremony
20. Paying Respect to Maya (Maya ko Dhok)
21. Taking Toran, Tani, Thaam and Other Items Home
22. Kanwar Kaleva and Juva-Jui
23. Opening the Kankan-Dora
24. Removing Maya and Offering Prasad to Lord Ganesha
25. Manda Jhankna

Baraat Arrival (Preparation) – Bride's Side

For welcoming the baraat, keep flower garlands and floral wrist garlands (gajras) ready. Nowadays it has also become customary to give gifts when the baraat arrives, so if gifts are to be given, prepare them beforehand. Keep the toran (decorative entrance hanging) ready.

Prepare an aarti plate containing roli (vermilion), moli (sacred thread), rice, jaggery, durva grass, and a bundle of sacred water. Also keep a silver coin, tied curd (set yogurt), netra (measuring cord), a kajal container, a small mirror, a khunkhuniya (rattle), and a neem branch.

Prepare seven suvalis (fried ceremonial discs) with holes in the center, threaded together on a blue thread using a needle. Keep four additional holed suvalis separately. Prepare one ball made from cooked rice.

Keep two varmala (garlands for exchange) on a tray. Prepare four decorated baskets filled with rose petals.

Arrange two platforms (chaukis) for the bride and groom to stand on—one silver and one ordinary.

Also prepare tea, cold drinks, dry fruits, sweets, savory snacks, and refreshments for hospitality and High Tea service.

Dhuḳāv and Toran

When the wedding procession (baraat) arrives at the entrance of the bride's home or reception venue, it is called Dhuḳāv. Male guests are welcomed with flower garlands, while female guests are given floral wrist garlands (gajras). If gifts have been prepared, they are also presented during the welcome.

After the guests enter the venue, the groom remains seated on the mare and strikes the toran (decorative entrance hanging) seven times using a decorated neem branch and a dagger. If the toran is located inside a hotel or reception venue, the groom dismounts and performs this ritual inside.

Groom's Welcome Rituals

The groom stands on a silver stool, and the bride's mother applies a tilak using a silver coin. She then sticks the coin onto the tilak spot with curd. A person accompanying the groom later removes the coin. The bride's mother then measures the groom's chest with the ritual measuring cloth (netra) and the end of her sari, crossing it four times. She removes the ceremonial "kas" pin from the groom's sherwani or coat and then playfully holds his nose.

The bride's mother performs aarti. The bride's sister-in-law applies kohl to the groom, while the bride's aunt shows him a mirror and performs the Neem-Jhari ritual by moving a green neem branch from his shoulder to chest four times. Another aunt or sister-in-law shakes a rattle near his ear. All women who perform these rituals receive ceremonial gifts (neg).

The groom traditionally wears two sehra ornaments, one marked with the Sun and the other with Goddess Lakshmi. The Lakshmi-marked sehra is later tied to the bride before the wedding pheras. Nowadays, for convenience, this sehra is often sent earlier with the Bari gifts and tied when the bride is being prepared.

Varmala Ceremony

Before the varmala ceremony, a friend or sister of the bride brings a tray containing a garland made of seven threaded suvali, a rice ball, and four extra suvali. As an auspicious gesture, the bride threads the four extra suvali into the garland herself. She then throws the rice ball over the groom's head with both hands.

The varmala ceremony follows. First, the bride places a garland around the groom's neck. Then the groom places a garland around the bride's neck. In some families, Mangalashtak or Mangalacharan verses are recited before the exchange of garlands.

Outer Pheras and Respect to Mayan

After the varmala, the outer pheras, also known as Mama Pheras, are performed. The bride's maternal uncle guides the bride through these rounds. Standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders, he leads her three times around the groom.

Four girls stand at the corners of the stage holding baskets of flower petals. During each round, the bride takes petals from the baskets and showers them over the groom.

After completing these rounds, the bride walks ahead while the groom follows, holding one end of her chunari. Together they go to offer respects at the Mayan shrine. After paying respects, they return to the wedding area. If the main wedding ceremony is scheduled late at night, the couple proceeds to the reception area until the appointed time for the pheras.

Pani-Grahan and Wedding Ceremony

The wedding ceremony begins with Vedic mantras recited by the priests. The bride's parents receive a ceremonial knot (gathjoda) and participate in the worship of Lord Ganesha, the planetary deities, the sacred kalash, and the sacred fire.

The bride is brought into the mandap by her maternal uncle and sits to the right of the groom. She also performs deity worship. The bride's father gives four garments to the groom, who returns two of them to the bride. The bride's father applies turmeric to her hands.

During Kanyadaan, the bride's parents present a gold ring to the groom. The priest ties the garments of the bride and groom together. Into this knot are placed green gram, rice, a turmeric piece, a betel nut, and a coin.

The bride's aunt and uncle, or sister and brother-in-law, prepare mehendi, which is later used during the Hathleva ritual. The priest joins the hands of the bride and groom, completing the Hathleva.

Suhag-Bidi

After the pheras, the bride's sisters, aunts, maternal aunts, and sisters-in-law present the Suhag-Bidi ritual. They give an envelope to the groom and a sari to the bride. The bride's sister or aunt performs aarti, while the barber performs the Chhat ritual and receives a ceremonial gift.

Joota Chhupai

When the groom removes his shoes before entering the wedding pavilion, the bride's siblings hide them. After the wedding rituals, they demand a gift from their brother-in-law before returning the shoes. Playful bargaining takes place until an amount is agreed upon.

Respect to Mayan and Farewell After Pheras

The bride and groom are taken to the Mayan shrine, where they pay their respects. The bride's face is formally unveiled, and she receives gifts from her grandparents and parents.

Women then sing traditional songs while escorting the couple to the entrance of the hall. The groom's family fills the ceremonial khol. The ritual knot is untied, and the bride briefly returns to her family while the groom rejoins his side. If a reception is planned, the couple freshens up and returns to the stage.

Reception and Dinner

In modern weddings, the reception and dinner have become important events. The usual sequence includes welcoming the baraat, outer pheras, high tea, reception, dinner, and later the main wedding pheras if they are scheduled for the night.

Bada-Bhat Feast

After the reception, the ceremonial feast called Bada-Bhat takes place. Before serving the meal, food is first offered to God and to the family deities. If offerings are required for ancestors, separate plates are prepared and given to a Brahmin or Brahmini, or sent to a temple if none are present.

The bride's family places ₹101 in each offering plate. After the deity offerings are completed, relatives and the newly married couple are seated and served food. In some families, formal greetings (Milni) are exchanged between relatives. The groom's grandmother, senior mother-in-law, or mother-in-law feeds the bride her first bite of food. Traditionally, jewelry was also gifted at this time.

After the meal, relatives and the groom leave money near their plates, which is later distributed among household staff.

Peharavni and Pher-Pata

The bride and groom are seated, and the priest conducts the Pher-Pata ritual. The groom's family presents donations to the bride's village temple or community institutions. The groom receives a ceremonial tilak, robe of honor, and sometimes jewelry.

A decorated silver stool is placed, and the bride's family honors sons-in-law, relatives, and senior family members. Senior female relatives are presented with a sari, cosmetics, a shawl, a dry-fruit garland, and a silver cup filled with dry fruits.

The bride is seated on the lap of a respected senior female relative, symbolizing that she will now be cared for as a daughter in her new family. The bride and groom then receive farewell gifts from all senior family members.

Mayan Worship Before Departure

The bride and groom offer respects to the Mayan shrine, offer coconuts, and perform Thali worship. If the wedding is held at home, the kitchen threshold is worshipped. If it is held in a hall, the hall entrance is worshipped. Offerings include cow dung, roli, moli, rice, jaggery, sacred grass, green gram, and money.

Bidaai (Farewell)

The bride's mother applies a tilak to the bride and groom. They bow to her, and she blesses them by patting their backs. Family members accompany the couple to the vehicle while singing traditional farewell songs.

The bride's mother gives her a silver cup wrapped in red cloth and instructs her to present it to her mother-in-law upon arrival at her new home.

Before the vehicle departs, a coconut is placed in front of the right wheel, and the vehicle drives over it. After the vehicle leaves, a senior woman pours water behind the rear wheels. The family then returns home singing auspicious songs.

Bringing Home the Wedding Ritual Items

Since weddings are often held in hotels or gardens, the Mayan panel, toran, tani, tham, and Beh vessels are brought back home afterward. The tani is tied in the family shrine, the toran is placed at the main entrance, and the tham and Beh vessels are later donated for another Brahmin wedding.

Kanwar-Kaleva and Jua-Jui

On the day after the wedding, the bride's family invites the groom for Kanwar-Kaleva. Younger brothers and friends may accompany him. After refreshments are served, the couple plays a traditional game called Jua-Jui.

A large basin is filled with milk and water mixed with turmeric so that the contents cannot be clearly seen. Seven betel nuts, seven cowrie shells, seven coins, and a silver ring are placed inside. The groom uses his right hand and the bride uses both hands to search for the ring. The game is played four or seven rounds amid laughter and friendly teasing. At the end, the groom places his ring on the bride's finger.

Opening the Kankan-Dora

After Jua-Jui, a towel is spread out. The bride unties the groom's Kankan-Dora, and the groom unties the bride's. They then exchange and retie the sacred threads on each other.

Removing the Mayan

On an auspicious day, the Mayan setup is dismantled and prasad is offered to Lord Ganesha.

Manda Jhankna

One or two days after the wedding, the bride's family invites the daughter and son-in-law home. This visit is called Manda Jhankna. If the wedding was held at a hotel or resort, the invitation may take place the very next evening.

The bride's brother goes to bring them, carrying sweets and a sari for the mother-in-law. When the couple arrives, they are served a meal and given blessings and advice for married life. The bride receives a sari and an envelope of money, while the son-in-law receives clothes and an envelope. Drivers or accompanying staff are also served food and given gifts.